1 post tagged “out loud”

What are 10 things you want to say out loud but you can't? 
Submitted by alix.

I find swearing to be incredibly therapeutic, but the rest of the world does not share this opinion, so all day long I work really hard at trying not to pepper every sentence with

1. f----

2. s---

3. g-------- 

(My personal rule is: keep the swearing to a minimum on my blog as well, my mother might be reading this.)

4. To many of the West Virginia drivers on the Dulles Greenway, I often want to yell (but don't ): "The slow lane is on the right! On the right!"

5. To the workers at the post office near my workplace: "Please! Process these people faster! I only get 30 minutes for my lunch break and I'm starving and I just need you to weigh this box and slap some stamps on it! Please! Hurry! For the love of God hurry!"

6. To the outside consultant who is trying to "help" my work team right now: "Dude, you're just repeating Business 101 B.S. over and over again. I am beyond this. I know what a value proposition is, I know what a pipeline is, and I'm not going to use those dorky words to describe what I do!"

7. To my office administrative aides: "OK, the reason why it's important to answer the phones every time they ring is because sometimes the caller at the other end of the line is a very important customer. So no, it's not acceptable when you 'just miss one call.' There are two of you, so surely you can coordinate your bathroom breaks in such a way that no call goes by unanswered. I used to answer phones for a living, so I know it can be done."

8. To Bank of America: "F---- you for raising peoples' interest rates on their credit cards even if they never made a late payment to you. Just because they were late on a payment or two somewhere else does not mean it is ethical for you to jack up their rates at B of A. Your lust for money is inhumane and perverse."

9. To the scary ladies who talk on their cell phones in the stalls in one of the bathrooms in my work building: "Um, ladies, I need a private moment here, and I don't think your pal at the other end of the line really wants to hear a toilet flush. Can't you go gab on your cell phone in the atrium instead?"

10. To one of my coworkers: "OK, you have plenty of evidence and proof that your boyfriend sucks. You're pretty and you can do better than this. Dump this loser and get on with your life while you still have the chance."